


Re:Starting another life in an extremely traumatizing world

by Cyberlink



Category: Re:ゼロから始める異世界生活 | Re:Zero Starting Life in Another World (Anime)
Genre: Emilia is a death trap, Emilia is not worth it sorry but not sorry, F/M, He is also a sociopath, One-Sided Attraction, PTSD, Puck in Beast mode is terrifying, Puck is also sociopath, Re: Zero is a hell world, Return by Death (Re:Zero), Roswaal is cunt, Spoilers for future arcs, Suffering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:20:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27777514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cyberlink/pseuds/Cyberlink
Summary: People most often expect to have an easy time as a Self-Insert. In stories that is most often the truth. Sadly not everyone can be lucky. This is my story how I was self-inserted to the worst possible world beside Worm.
Relationships: One-sided Satella (Re:Zero)/Original Male character
Comments: 22
Kudos: 36





	1. Fuck my life

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoy my work and that this encourages you all to write on your own.

My name is Devin Honey, and I'm a mildy overweight twenty-two-year old economic student in his fifth semester in college. I would describe myself as neither a bad person nor a particularly good one.

I haven't done any malicious evil deeds in the past but have still made mistakes in my life which brought inconveniences to the people around I met. I have faults that I can admit. I am quite greedy with money and dislike giving it to someone else, family included, slothful by doing only often what is the absolute necessary, lusting after power, so I can subconsciously lord it over others and to feel superior to them, gluttonous since I like to eat delicious food more than I really need, wrathful towards the world for not making me talented like my peers, prideful for not asking for help even from family, and envious towards people and their close bonds with each other which don't have due to my nature as an introvert. But my greatest failing is that I don't have any ambition at all and that made me directionless in my life. I never had a dream and I later learned in my life, that no one should lack a dream for one self since it is essential for finding true happiness in one's life. Something that I lacked for many years.

But still even with all these faults, I have my good points as well. I am above average in intelligence, very considerate towards the people I work together with, patient with people (even those that don't deserve it), lack avarice, quite stubborn, self-sacrificing towards people that are important to me, and always pay my debts towards people.

Because of these qualities, I don't see myself as a particularly good or bad person. I never saw the need to overcome my own faults but that was because my environment did not really challange it in any shape or form. It was a rather monotonous one and in this environment my faults were never really challenged because of it. How wrong it was for me to expect that would continue on and on is something I learned later in my life. Change is painful but changing to be something better is the most painful version of all. But it is a necessary one. I learned that later in my life.

I never saw myself as a very unlucky person, but sadly, I have to change my mind on that front. I hope at least my physical and psychological suffering brings some entertainment towards other people. Yeah, I am looking at you guys... Seriously, am I going insane? Well Mr. No Balls got several times insane I doubt I will be lucky enough to avoid it but I will try my very best.

I am Devin Honey, and I am the man who is going to be self-inserted into the place which is the most horrible world to be transported to beside Worm from Wildbow. Yes, Worm is a hellhole for any self-inserts and I stand for it. Having three Supernatural Disasters that regularly kill over hundreds of thousands of people and evil godlike parasites that destroy trillions of parallel worlds to escape death by heat makes it one, and yes, I know I am being weird here. Well, let's start with my story.

* * *

"Finally, being able to get the books for my college assignments in this semester after my quarantine at home sure is a relief," thought a young man seemingly in his early twenties dressed in light blue jeans and a dark blue fabric jacket as he searched for books in his university's library.

"Hurry up young man, the library is closing right now!" the young man heard from the reception several meters away from him. Looking back, he saw an overweight blond librarian woman pointing with her right hands index finger at her watch that was on her left wrist while looking with an impatient glance in her at him.

" Yeah, I am done already," said the young man a little startled from the voice of the middle-aged and overweight woman. As he walked towards her a mask was on his face, a normality now in the now global pandemic in Germany. Walking to the borrowing machine, he typed his password and borrowed each of his chosen books. Then he started to walk out, ready to exit the building he was in.

"It is getting dark, I should hurry back, so I can get home and squeeze in some work", the young man murmured to himself as he took te mask off his face, storing it in the right pocket of the jeans he was wearing and also stuffed the last borrowed book that he took of the library behind him in his backpack while walking out. Because of the quarantine and time (it was 6 p.m.) here were no people beside him under the night sky of the city in front of the building that he just now exited. After all because of the global pandemic that ravaged the world now caused, the students of his university to have online classes at home and so did not really need to visit the campus anymore.

 _It is really getting colder and colder here,_ absentmindedly thought the young man as he started rubbing his hands hoping for some warmth. He wished the train would come fast, so he would not feel the cold on his body any more. Devin heavily disliked cold weather.

But just now the man's vision faltered as an overwhelming light invaded him through the pupils of his eyes a stark contrast to the darkness that surrounded him right now in the moment and then suddenly disappeared from his sight.

"Did I just imagine that all? I must be more sleepy than I thought. My mother was right, I really shouldn't work so hard and take a pause between my work sometimes. I stress myself sometimes too much and that needlessly so", said the young man silently towards himself while shaking his head admitting his mistake in the days before by working on multiple assignments which took a huge burden on him mentally and physically. The young man had the bad habit to sleep and eat less when writing his assigned papers for school so that he would not get distracted by completing a self-assignment of writing the number of papers he wished to finish in a specific time.

" **I love you." A lovely female voice spoke to the young adult but Devin did not hear it.**

"I wish we would write tests and not write assignments at home that would be easier for me to deal with", he grumbled to himself while grimacing about the consequences of the global pandemic he had to deal with. One of the bad qualities of this young man was that his grammar was not good when writing a long text which made the afterwork of correcting the papers on his notebook in his own opinion a pain in the ass to deal with.

"Huh? Was that the light again? I could have sworn there was a demonic hand in it. Nah, I must be hallucinating or dreaming", said the young adult startled and started looking as if to reassure himself with the reality of his surroundings while rubbing his eyes with his hands to get the drowsiness that he felt away. In the end he came to the conclusion that it was a fabric of his imagination born from his boredom that he felt for days on and on. Then only one moment just a second later the light returned again but this time far stronger than before causing the young man to instinctively shield his eyes by using his two arms as shields to block the light which resulted in him not noticing the second appearance of a black demonic hand. Then noticing the light was not diminishing he lowered his arms to his sides showing his face which was the very definition of shock as he looked around to judge his surroundings.

 _What is this!? This can not be possible! Why? What the hell just happened….?_ Were the thoughts of Devin as he looked bewildered to his surroundings around him noticing an extreme change in it.

Around him were now people with different clothes than him looking like something straight from a fantasy novel that he read from time to time to relax himself. Some of the people around him were wearing robes, medieval armour for knights and typical peasant clothing, but that was not the only thing some of these people had an impossible hair colour like purple, green or blue. Another thing was the architecture of the buildings surrounding they looked like some of the older buildings that he saw on a school trip that he took to Nürnberg when he was thirteen years old. Amazed at what he was seeing with his own eyes, the young man started looking around, walking unconsciously because of his fascination not noticing how he was going to collide against someone in this unknown place.

"Young man, look where you are going", said an annoyed voice which prompted Devin to tilt his head to the direction of the voice and his eyes started to widen because of his close approximation to the non-human creature before him. In front of Devin stood a humanoid masculine shaped figure with a head of the shape of a dog with yellow fur and was clothed in a long black robe covering its entire body besides its head.

"Hey".

"..hear..."

"Are you hearing me!?" Not looking like he heard the humanoid dog started to directly say this to the young man's face which caused him to recoil because of the proximity to the non-human after the figure said this to Devin.

"Sorry, I was distracted. Please do not take this as me being racist but I've never before seen someone like you in my entire life", said the young man in a fascinated and awed voice as he bowed his head to the non-human.

"You never saw a demi-human until now young man?"

"No never in my life before", answered Devin to the now identified demi-human which caused him to question him with a tilted head and a confused face now not face to face to him.

"Never in your life? Not even once in the past?"Were the questions of the surprised demi-human looking with disbelief at the young man in front of him.

"No. Not once in the past did I see beings like you. Sorry, äh Sir", said the young man nervously scratching his right cheek with the index finger of his right hand being worried of having offended the demi-human by not knowing his culture or general background.

"Nobles", sneered the demi-human with disgust on his furry face with his eyes looking at him with distaste in his eyes and then turned his back to him making him leave Devin alone as if being offended by his very presence around him causing Devin to look offended at the demi-humans back.

 _Do I really look like a noble in this age?_ Was Devin's question towards himself while checking his clothes. _I shouldn't be surprised since I am wearing blue jeans and_ _and a blue fabric jacket. I am also from the modern era so my clothes are definitely from higher quality than those of the lower and middle class folk living here in this new world,_ thought the young man but then started to notice he was starting to sweat.

_A new world. I am in a new world. A world, world, , world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world._

Panic was flooding through Devins mind now that he was now truly aware what just happened to him. Here he was severed from his old world with everything included in it.

His family consisting of his father, mother, little brother, little sister, aunt, uncle, grandmother and grandfather he would most likely never see again. No more warm hugs from his mother, meals from dad he made with great care, playing card games like Yugioh with his little brother, teasing his sister, table-top games with his uncle, phone calls from his aunt in his parents and grandparents home country and his grandparents' concerns.

The daily life of his was uprooted with no care. The money he had was definitely meaningless, his years of hard work for his courses in university undone, no idea of his whereabouts and no connections to use in this new world.

 _I have no foundation in this life,_ thought Devin and felt sick in his stomach. His senses started to be aware of everything around him. The parent with his child, who was complaining about wanting to have ice cream, a demi-human lizard muttering about shitty pay, merchants screaming about their merchandise to get customers, and a pair of human girls muttering about how strange the clothes he wore were. Frantically looking for something for his upset stomach, the young man found his target finally. Devin started running towards an alleyway shoving people out of the way and ignoring their cries of surprise and indignation towards him.

"Hey!"

"What are you doing foreigner!?"

"Did you lose your mind young man!?"

Finally, arriving in the alleyway outside of the main street, Devin bent down and released the contents of his stomach while groaning in utter misery.

"Blergh, ughh, blergh," were the sounds that escaped his mouth while he vomited in the alleyway. Barely able to stand because of his quivering legs caused by his panic Devin had to use his right arm on the right wall of the alleyway to balance himself while his left arm held his stomach which contents were leaving his body. Tears started to leave his eyes the emotional roller coaster that Devin experienced making him feel utterly miserable as he started to stop vomiting.

"Ugh," he said while wiping away the leftover contents on his lips and falling to the ground ass first Devin started to take deep breaths to calm himself down.

_Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm._

The thought was constantly repeating in his head, so he would not panic and be able to analyse his situation that he found himself in. But it was easier said than done. For him, it felt like an eternity with him clutching his head with both of his hands until he was able to think clearly again.

_I feel sweaty._

Now that Devin had calmed down he could feel the sweat dropping on his face to the stony ground below him and sticking to his clothes as a result from his earlier panic attack that he now overcame.

"It does not matter now finding what I need is more important. I have to find shelter, food, water and information about this place", murmured Devin as he slowly stood up and then dusted himself off. With his new found determination the young man was ready to venture out of the alleyway to the main street but as he turned around he collided against something huge.

"Ouch", said Devin falling to the hard ground on his backpack while holding his hurt face. Gently rubbing his face the young man started to hear the rough voices of three men seemingly close to him.

"It seems our new victim is here."

"Man, he has some strange looking clothes on him."

"I bet we could sell them all for a good price to old man Rom."

Three voices spoke with a threatening undertone easily identifiable to be the voices of young men. The first one was a young looking male with greyish hair including a pink tip, black eyes, wearing a prison suit on his lean build. Chains adorned his wrists and throat. Devin could see that he was looking at him with a predatory look. The second person was a very short boy with brown mushroom hair and large black eyes wearing a orange robe. He wore a fiendish grin on his face. The third person was a large man with purple hair and eyes. He was wearing tan clothes, an orange sash around his waist, a green vest and back shoes. Intimidated at the sight of them Devin took a nervous step back and the thugs took a step forward with a confident posture.

_Why does it feel like I know them from somewhere? That should not be ppssible I never saw them before._

"Are you going to rob me?" That was Devin's question towards the three thugs with a trembling voice, hoping that was not the case. Of course, Devin knew logically that hoping they would not rob him was laughable, but a man could dream, couldn't he?

"It seems you recognize your situation", said the biggest guy of the three with a satisfied look on his face. "Drop everything you have on you, no exceptions". He threateningly extended his big right hand at him and his two comrades hunched forward, sneering at him. At that moment Devin knew the situation was quite bad for him. He was not somebody who was really strong, and he hadn't had martial arts training for over eight years. Therefore, Devin had no means to defend himself from these thugs. He also doubted if he screamed for help that anybody would come to help him. Who would after all help somebody that looked as foreign as him in this new world?

 _What should I do in such a bad situation!?_ This question, born from his panic which resulted from his fear towards the three menacing looking young men came at such a speed that it could rival a bolt of lightning. The young man knew he had to do something fast, or he could lose his life or his belongings, the only things he could most likely sell here, so he could obtain money in this strange new world and build a new life from the stretch. Even if the three thugs would spare his life they would surely take his belongings like his smartphone or iPod, which he bet he could sell as some sort of magical item for a high price to obtain money. But before the three thugs could reach him, a voice interrupted them.

"Hey guys!" A boisterous voice spoke full of life, confidence and urgency. The thugs and Devin confused at the interruption turned their heads in the direction of the voice. To Devin's surprise a young girl interrupted them running towards their direction, definitely looking no older than fourteen years. He could see she had blond short hair, red eyes brimming with determination and clothes that were of low quality and were worn out.

"It seems you all are in quite the situation", said the girl now between the two opposite sides as she examined each one of them.

"Well, it's not my problem. Live strong!" Those were the last words the girl said before she ran away from them and then over the wall at the end of the alley much to Devins shock caused by him seeing such a superhuman feat which should be outside the realm of possibility.

_Why did it feel like I knew her? That is impossible. I have never met somebody like that. I would have surely remembered a person with red eyes. No! I must concentrate on the situation here right now. These thugs are not going to disappear just because of this girl. Wait, they are still distracted from the girl's appearance. This is my chance to run away!_

Seeing an opportunity to flee away from the thugs, Devin sprinted straight through those three of them, exiting the alley. But as he exited the alleyway he suddenly fell to the ground. Sitting on the ground he stared at it in bewilderment. Devin could only ask himself what happened with the ground from the street. After all, it was now frozen.

_Before I entered the alley the ground here was normal so what happened here? Is that magic!?_

Before he could lift his head so could analyse his surroundings to search for a reason why the ground changed he heard an angry voice, one that took his attention completely.

"You must be the thief that stole my insignia!"

Wanting to know of course who accused him of stealing something just as he moments before had nearly been robbed, Devin looked straight at the source of the voice. As his eyes found the source of the accusation they widened as if seeing something that should be against all logic of the world more than he already experienced in the last hours or so. Because before his eyes while he sat at the ground with a dropped jaw stood a girl with beauty outside what he thought possible in the real world. No, before him stood a person that should not be real.

Just before him stood a girl, her arms crossed under her breasts with silky silver hair, beautiful purple eyes that had a bluish tint in them, porcelain skin that had no blemishes, and wore clothes straight out of a cosplay. She also exuded an aura of such power and mystery that Devin was struck silent. No, that was not the only thing; after all, before his eyes stood a person that should not exist. No, a person that could not exist. After all, fictional characters could not exist in the real world.

"Well!?"

Annoyed at the man not answering her question, the beauty got closer to him and bent over her body, so she could situate her face directly at his face with an annoyed expression causing her to narrow her bluish-purple eyes at him. Devin could see that she was losing her patience with him.

"Once again, where is my insignia!?" This question from the beauty was directed at the young foreign-looking man for her and everyone else in this world that seemed stupefied from her appearance.

 _This is not possible. I can not have such bad luck,_ thought Devin as he looked at the silver haired and purple eyed half-elf with eyes that were filled with horror. Devin felt like vomiting again and cursing every god in existence that he could remember from his home world for his misfortune.

**This is Emilia! That means I was not just transported to another world. Oh my god. I was self=inserted into Re:Zero! The most nightmarish place beside Worm from Wildbow!**


	2. Surviving Puck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dealing with Puck and Emilia is incredibly stressing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I am here with a new chapter. I hope you all enjoy it.

_The main heroine of Re:Zero, Emilia, is standing before my eyes. Oh my god. Why am I so unlucky? What did I do to offend you god!?  
_

These thoughts ran through inside Devin's own mind as he stared with his own brown eyes directly into Emilia's purple eyes which had an annoyed glint in them directed to the foreign looking man that was no other than himself.

_Unfortunately._

Devin could see that the girls slender hands at her hips were formed into fists. Looking at her hands, Devin noticed that they were also incredibly tense.

_Most likely from the stress of trying to find her Insignia that she needs for her qualification and participation in the royal selection of Lugnica. The insignia that Felt stole from her in episode 1 in the first loop. A young teenage girl with blond haired and red eyed child…...Shiiiiit!_

"Wellllll? Are you going to give me back my insignia!?" Was the rhetorical question of the half-elf girl. Devin could see she nearly lost all her patience with him. The gob smacked Devin looked at her with wide eyes that were filled with disbelief, terror and fear. Suddenly he could see small blue particles manifest besides Emilia's head, and then they began to merge together to form a great spirit that every Re:Zero fan was very familiar with.

_Fuck._

"It seems that guy is too shocked to speak with you, Lia", said a grey and white haired cat looking spirit with shining blue eyes and dropping ears with the left one having an earring that just manifested besides Emilia's head as he started to float around her right shoulder. The cat had an affectionate undertone as he spoke with the silver haired half-elf girl that was its contractor and daughter for over seven years. That was none other than Puck, the Beast of the End and artificial great spirit of fire, one of the strongest beings in the world. Also, a fucking sociopathic being that had only one thing it valued in the world which was Emilia's life creating a value system around her very existence and if he lost her the great spirit would destroy the world by freezing everything.

He knew if Emilia died right here in the middle of the capital city he would be one of the first victims of the spirt's icy rage at the world responsible for daughters death but even then Reinhard would kill him in just mere seconds. Devin doubted there would be even a quarter of the capital city of Lugnica left if the power of Reinhard and Puck were unleashed in it. An outcome he did not want to be near of in the present and in the future.

He had no interest in angering that fucking great spirit. He liked living, after all.

"Y-You are Puck, the Beast of the End", stuttered Devin while lifting his shaking arm and pointing a finger at the artificial great spirit. It was easy to notice that his voice was now filled with fear, because of the appearance of the apocalyptic beast. Not only that by also looking at his body it was easy to see that his entire body was quaking with fear at the sight of the great fire spirit.

"So you know of me? Well, it seems you are quite the knowledgeable young man", said the catlike looking great spirit with a surprised tone while staring at him in utter fascination. Devin could see that the spirits' eyes were examining him with such a gaze that he felt like could bring his greatest secrets out into the world causing him to get a powerful and cold shiver through his back reminding that he was truly powerless in comparison to such a being that very existence could bend the world to its will a true giant compared to him.

_I've never felt so much terror in my entire life. Somebody help me. Anybody._

"It seems you are quiiiite terrified of me", said the great spirit while floating slowly towards him which caused him to slide away back on the frozen ground from the artificial being that could kill him easily like a giant killing an ant. The game of mouse and cat continued until Devin felt his backpack hitting something hard. _A wall? Shit. Why is this happening to me of all people? What did I to deserve this?_ Now that he could not get away from the innocent looking spirit that was anything but innocent was directly in front of his face looking at him with his paw under his chin scrutinizing him while rubbing his chin. The cat was searching for something but what exactly he did not know nor could he imagine in his current mental state.

"You must know how powerful I am since there is no other explanation for the sheer amount of terror, fear and despair you feel directed towards me". That was the observation of the great fire spirit that could freeze the entire world. Devin could only think of certain scenes as the spirit talked about his legendary power.

" _Sleep along with my daughter"._

These words were uttered towards a young man that had jet black hair, brown sanpuzakan eyes that were filled with despair and wore a black and orange tracksuit with an orange _N_ on the left breast of it. Subaru Natsuki could only look at the monstrosity that was shrouded in darkness and occupied the mansion with wide eyes. Then his head fell to the snowy and frozen ground while he held a cute looking girl dressed in a maid uniform with blue short hair. A girl that died brutally at the hands of an insane and immortal Sin Archbishop that could kill people with nothing but a mere thought.

_Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum._

" _You saw the frozen flowers from before right? How about I make another here bloom?"_

These words were uttered towards a brown haired muscular criminal with blue war tattoos on his face that wore thick clothes suited for the cold weather around him. The man could only stare in horror at the cat spirit that had a sadistic look on its face while its paw was under its chin grinning at him and all of a sudden a bright blue light emerged on the criminal's stomach which he instantly clutched with his hands all the while hoping and futilely trying to stop the fire magic from the fire spirit that suddenly was cast on his body. The man could only scream in absolute terror and fear at what the sprit was doing.

_Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum. Babum._

Devin could still remember how helpless both people were while they were under the tender mercy of the innocent and harmless looking spirit that hid with its appearance its enormous amount of power. It was a reminder that he had to cooperate with the spirit that floated directly in front of his face and there was no other way to escape the situation with its ability of empathy that could sense his emotion and with it roughly read his thoughts based on them.

_Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down._

Devin tried to control himself by commanding himself this thought repeatedly while he tried to slow his speeding heart which he could hear rapidly pulse with such speed that there was no pause in between the pulses. It was nearly the only thing he could hear and pay attention to beside the dangerous creature before him. Taking a deep breath of fresh air that only could be achieved outside a city the young man prepared his answer.

"Yeah, I know how powerful you are'', said the young man staring directly at the spirit while trying to appear calm to the danger in front of him. The fucking cat stared at him directly in the eyes and the only thing he could do was trying to hold his ground by staring right back at the spirit's own eyes. Only one second later the spirit nodded looking like he made his judgement of him, and he could only hope it would not end up with him frozen like the ground. Nobody sane wanted to become an ice statue.

 _I can not believe I stared back without pissing myself,_ thought Devin relieved that he did not embarrass himself more to the two magical beings in front of him.

"He is not going to lie to you Lia. I bet he can sense my power and knows that he is powerless against me. After all that guy is truly terrified of me, but he seems to have calmed down so ask him again and he will surely answer you any question you have", stated the father to his daughter while tilting his head to the beautiful half-elf that was now several feet away from him. The girl looked satisfied from Pucks' judgments about him as she made eye contact with her father and then looked at him again. Then taking a stern look on her face she looked ready to ask her question again.

"Did you steal my insignia?"

"I did not steal it ahm mam, but the truth is I was nearly robbed by three thugs in a nearby alleyway." Then he pointed with a finger of his right hand at another part of the street where a back alley was. "You saw me running did you not? That was me after I escaped. I was lucky there was an interruption from a young girl with blond hair and red eyes. She looked like she was in a hurry. It was definitely her who stole your insignia. I have seen her carrying it. It is that big and has a jewel in the centre right?" That was what Devin said while using his fingers on his right hand to show how big the object the girl searched for was to prove his credibility to the spirit art user.

The young woman stared at him for some seconds at him that felt like an eternity for him. The girl gave her father a look and he nodded.

"You accused the wrong person, Lia". Looking at him for just a second and once again scrutinizing him thoroughly with its empathic abilities the spirit gave his support. Then the spirit floated back to its daughter's right shoulder. Devin could not help himself by sighing in sheer absolute relief at that assessment.

_Thank god. That should help me win some points with them._

Emilia then changed her expression to one reflecting regret, embarrassment and shame that made her cheeks become a rosy red. Devin could not help himself by thinking how lovely such a colour looked on her face. It contrasted nicely with her porcelain-white skin.

_She is really beautiful, but what else should I have expected? She is the main heroine in Re:Zero and a half-elf at that._

"Oh my, it seems I truly got the wrong person! I am deeply sorry for how badly I treated you". The girl gave her apology by bowing to him while clasping her two hands on her skirt. Devin could not help but feel embarrassed by the bowing of the girl in front of him even when she was responsible for him falling to the hard and cold ground. Something that had hurt him even if it was not much. Sure he was also angered by the fact that the girl thought that he was a thief and accused him of stealing something from her, but he had bigger things to worry about like how to navigate this new world or surviving this fucking day. This was after all a new world that was extremely dangerous for someone like him with no education to have proof of, or without combat abilities.

"It is not much of a problem but if you could tell me where I can sell a metia of mine then I would be grateful". Trying to stand up from the frozen ground the young man started to slowly stand up while the girl looked worryingly at him hoping he would not fall since the ground Devin was on was frozen in place. He could see she was visibly trying to contain herself by helping him up by how tense her body was as if ready to spring into action at any moment.

_It coincides with what I saw in the anime and read in the novels. Good to know._

"I am sorry but I do not know the layout of the capital as well. I don't visit the capital often. I am sorry for not being able to help". Saying this the girl inclined her head with a face that was now filled with sadness feeling useless by not being able to make up for what she unjustly did some moments ago to the young man in front of her that just now stood on steady legs.

"Well that is quite the shame", said Devin feeling disappointed starting to look gloomily at the ground seeing his face reflected at him. He could see his eyes were red around his pupils, a sign of his earlier panic attack.

"I don't think it's my place to ask but are you a noble from a foreign country? Your clothes seem foreign but also of high quality and you do not look like somebody that does much physically. Metias are also quite rare and have a high price because of it. Not many people have the money to obtain one, even minor nobles have problems with obtaining such a magical object". The girl had an interested look on her face as she stared directly at him with fascination.

Devin could see she was scrutinizing just like her father only moments before her did even the expression on her face and eyes were quite similar with Puck's just moments before as he looked at him.

_Truly, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Like father like daughter.  
_

While the girl waited for him to answer her question, Puck looked totally disinterested in his origin.

_Most likely feeling assured by his empathy that I am not a threat to her well-being._

"No, I am not a noble", said the young man and Emilia looked disappointed with her false deduction of his social status causing her to drop her head slightly to the direction of the ground. Devin could not blame her knowing about how different both worlds are. The modern world had an easier lifestyle in many parts of daily life and there were many luxuries for normal people that the people of the Re:Zero world could only dream of.

"I just came from beyond the great waterfall today and life there is quite different,, so don't feel dejected, Miss." With the intent to reassure her by seeing how defeated she looked he did not carefully think of his next words. Something he really should have done.

"Y-you are from beyond the great waterfall….?" The girl lifted her head up as she gave him the question. Devin could notice the sheer disbelief on her face as she looked at him. Devin did not blame her. He read in the web novel that there were many charlatans trying to obtain fame by lying about their origin to people.

_I shouldn't have said that! Fuuuuckkk! But still I doubt they would believe me._

"He is not lying, Lia '', said the spirit suddenly looking at him now with an interested expression on his face and the girl stared at her father to see him. Puck nodded at her with a confident look in his face.

_Damn! I forgot the spirit is an empath!_

"He knows better than to lie to you and he feels quite a bit of embarrassment by telling the truth without meaning to". The cat had a smug look upon his face grinning at him as he said that. Devin never had felt such a strong urge in his life to punch somebody in that very moment, but he stopped himself by reminding himself he was talking to an apocalyptic beast. After all punching a great spirit was beyond stupid. If there was something that he was that not was being stupid.

Emilia's eyes widened at her fathers words and now she looked at him like he was the most fascinating thing in the world. After all, who would not be fascinated by seeing the first alien?

_I can not believe I am a fucking alien here...Or are they the aliens in this situation….?..Better not continue to think upon it, I already feel a big headache approaching me. I should think about something different…..how about making them leave me alone? But how do I do that? Ah now, I know!_

He had no interest in getting involved with Emilia, that girl was after all a trouble magnet. The assassination from Elsa in arc 1, the mabeast attack from Melie in arc 2, Petelgeuses trial in arc 3 and in arc 4 the great rabbit, Elsa and Roswaal. All these problems were tied to Emilia camp, and he had no interest in getting involved in these situations. He liked living after all.

_I am not Subaru Natsuki, I am my own person like hell I am was following canon because of the book!What did the world think he was!? A hero? A villain? What a fucking joke. Most importantly I am not going to be involved with that fucking murderous, inhuman and obsessed simp named Roswaal L. Mathers! Like hell, I will be his pawn! I am not going to play Kingmaker for that crazed bastard! I have no interest in the fucking royal selection! I am not going to join any camp._

Devin gathered his thoughts and saw Emilia looking like she wanted to say something, but he knew better than to let her say anything. He needed immediately to make her leave him now for his own well being.

"Should you not look for your insignia?" Reminding her of her search the girl's eyes widened and immediately she looked alarmed at her own missed time she could have spent searching for her insignia.

"You are right I need to look for the thief! I will make it up to your later ahem…?"

Emilia looked at him with a questioning gaze, and he swallowed as he gathered every last of his mental strength to speak with a calm mind so Puck would not notice the half-truth he is going to say.

"My name is Muratcan". Looking at Puck and the girl he could see they both looked intrigued at his foreign sounding name. He could not help but feel satisfied with his half-truth, After all Muratcan was his second name. It was an attempt to distance himself from Emilia by not letting her know his first name or family name. There was no loss in giving his second name since he barely used it at all. After all if Roswaal learned his true name that would become troublesome for him.

"Your name is Lia, I presume?"

"No aehm it is a nickname Puck calls me. My name is Satella, just Satella'',said the elf and gave him an expectant look.

_She is testing me. Of course, she is._

"Satella….that is a beautiful name. A beautiful name for a beautiful girl". Saying this he looked at her and she looked surprised as he said this. Devin could see she was shocked but then an understanding expression came to her face. He could see she started to truly believe him now.

_Ah she had problems with how she looked in the story if I remember correctly. Did she not also have problems with mirrors? Issues with her appearance are not a surprise since she looks identical to the devil of this very world that everyone feared…. Fuck I am in a world with a fucking devil. Well I doubt I have her attention. I am not Subaru after all. Well hopefully. Who even wants the biggest yandere in anime attention after his own person after all?_

"I have silver hair, purple bluish eyes, and I am a half-elf", said Emilia while her gaze was sharpening at each of her words as she looked at him with still the same expectant gaze in her face.

_Better be honest as I can be with Puck around her and me._

"Well it would explain why you look so beautiful being a half-elf". Saying this Devin gave his answer with an honest face to Emilia, and she looked surprised as she with a gobsmacked face looked at him with disbelief. Devin could see her processing his words just for a few seconds, and then she blushed a bright red taking a sharp turn away from turning her back to him, so he could not see her face.

_I bet she believes me now._

Then suddenly he could feel something squishy hitting his left cheek. It was none other than Puck looking extremely happy as he floated just a little away from his face after punching it.

"What was that for?"

Looking annoyed from the cat's close proximity he asked the spirit giving it the stink eye acting natural while doing so.

"I couldn't help myself, I just had this tingling feeling inside of me". The fucking cat made such a happy face that he felt weirded out by it. After all just some time ago that fucking cat played with him like he was some prey for it. Just after he said this he floated back towards his daughter.

_Oh. Don't spirits share the emotions of their contractors? Well that explains Puck behaviour towards him now._

Devin could hear Emilia muttering something but he did not hear her. He looked with a confused expression towards the half-elf girl waiting for her to do something. Emilia taking a deep breath prepared to say something.

"I am sorry I can not make up for my behavior since I am running out of time. Next time I will appropriately compensate you for my actions". Saying this inclined her head back towards him and gave him an apologetic look and started running away. Puck gave him also one last look he could not read and prepared to say something.

"See ya!" Saying this Puck gave him a cheerful wave and then disappeared in Emilia's hair.

Finally, alone Devin could not help himself by sinking into his own thoughts to contemplate his situation. After all he did not have to worry himself about Pucks empathy ability anymore.

_I am finally alone and free of them. Thank god. Getting involved with them would have been stupid. But now what am I going to do? Puck will destroy the capital and surrounding land after Emilia gets killed by Elsa and Tappei stated she would have died if not for Subaru's interference. But can I still trust Tappei as a source of Information? I mean I am here and it was Subaru that was supposed to meet these thugs and Emilia not me. No it does not matter, I need to find Reinhard as fast as possible. I don't want to find out if I have Return by death or not. I am not interested in dying for God's sake. Everything now depends on me finding Reinhard so I have to hurry up._

After he made his mind he started running towards his goal to find the red haired sword saint, but as he started he had one thought in his mind.

_Thank god I survived Puck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: My beta is the writer of Re: Start so please look at his fic it is fantastic. Any constructive criticism is always welcome. Cyao


	3. Tears of shame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking a new burden in an another world

Running through the city, frantically looking around him to find a certain handsome red haired and blue-eyed Sword Saint. He couldn't help but feel a massive amount of panic, fear and nervousness at his own precarious situation. Never before in his life had Devin had such a huge task burdened upon his own two shoulders. He was now the one with the responsibility of saving the capital city ofa foreign fantasy world filled with what most likely were more than thousand upon thousand of people of different age, religion, race and origin. If he failed to stop Emilia's death at the hand of the infamous Gusteko assassin Elsa, also known as the infamous Bowel-Hunter, the artificial great spirit of the half-elf royal candidate would start with his rampage to freeze the world with everyone that inhabits the capital city. Reinhard would definitely kill Puck if he started to act in accordance to his contract after what he knew of arc 4 in light novel and web novel. That did not mean he would be able to kill him before Puck started such a low temperature to his surroundings that it would kill thousands of people, most likely injure just as many, bring famine to the surrounding land and bring destruction to the homes of the people living in the capital city of the dragonfriend Kingdom. Needless to say, it would be a disaster for everyone involved.

As he ran through the streets with his two untrained legs only concentrating on finding the sword saint he saw several people human and demi-human in his way in his search, so he did the only thing he could think of with the time he had.

“Excuse me!” Saying this the young man roughly shoved people in front of him with his two arms to get them out of his way in his search for the strongest knight inLugnica. The people of course were not happy and made it known.

“Hey!”

“Look where you are going, you little shit!”

“How rude!”

Devin felt incredibly guilty for being so rude to the people on the streets, since he was always a polite person. It was what his parents had taught him since he was a child: to treat people how you want to be treated. He could not spend any time thinking about it since he was working on limited time after all. Finding one person in such a big city was an unbelievably hard task especially one he was not personally familiar with. Watching an anime or reading a novel does not prepare you for navigation inside a medieval capital city.

 _I can not spend_ any more time _thinking about this!_

_“Huff”._

_“Huff”._

_After my memories of arc 1 Puck has a time limit from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. and Emilia would have found the Loot house shortly before that. Maybe half an hour before that, which would be somehow around 4:30 a.m._

Taking his black Nokia 6 smartphone out by opening the pocket on the left side of his jacket with his left-hand Devin stopped running as he powered up his smartphone, so he could look to inform himself about the current point of time. By doing this he could find out how much time he had left to search for the sword saint. Knowing about the time he had left would be a precious piece of information for him.

_It is now on my smartphone 6:32 p.m. and after the position of this world's sun…_

Devin looked at the sun by bending his head upwards causing his pupils in his eyes to shrink because of the sun's light. Suddenly after some seconds staring directly at the sun he felt a stinging sensation in his eyes which made Devin use his right arm to partially shield his eyes from sunlight by lifting his right forearm above his eyes and using his knowledge he learned in grade school to identify the time by the sun's position up in the sky he would be able to assess his own situation now much better…

_It is roughly 1 p.m. so I should still have roughly three hours to search for him which means mine limit is at 9: 32 p.m. on my smartphone. I have to find Reinhard and if I fail here this time, everyone in this city is screwed, but will I be able to find him? This city is completely unfamiliar to me…..Is there not some place where the guards are? Wait, I remember this from the anime. The guards barrack right? If I remember right in episode 12 of Re:Zero something like that was mentioned but where precisely is it here in this city? There should be a place like a plaza or something with a map of the city, but since I am illiterate in this new world something like this would be useless for me. Fuck me. I have no choice but to ask the people around me. Being illiterate sucks, but not only that it is kinda demeaning for me._

Devin could not help but feel a sting of pain at his pride as an educated person. He had spent thirteen years of his life for his education before college and spent also two years and half a year studying for his degree in economy.

_Do I have to repeat that time? That would suck damn. Well the entire situation sucked._

_“Boy”._

_“Hey”._

Lost in his own world staring intensely at his smartphone while unconsciously ignoring everything around him the young man thought about what his next logical step should be, so he could escape his own potential very cold and painful death at the hand of beast mode Puck was something he did not want to experience at all cost. Because of that he did not hear the word of the man on the right side of him who was trying to get his attention for his own.

“Hey, boy!”

“Are you deaf or what young man!?”

Startled at the voice Devin that brought him out of his own thoughts he could not help frantically look for the source of it, and he found it on his right side just some feet away from him. Tilting his head over his right shoulder to the voice Devin gained a shocked look at his face at the sight that greeted him causing also to widen his eyes and jaw to slack. Just like before with Emilia Devin once again formed a gob smacked expression on the sight that was before his own eyes.

“Hey, why are you looking at me like that foreigner?”

Standing right in front of his eyes was a fruit stand with various fruits with some that looked familiar and some very foreign to him, but that was not the reason for his shocked reaction. No, it was the person that was occupying the fruit stand and standing right behind the counter trying to sell his fresh looking fruits to the populace of the royal capital city of Lugnica. It was a very familiar male figure that made its debut in the first episode of Re:Zero. It was none other than Kadomon Risch, a muscular and firmly built man with a twig in his mouth crossing his arm looking annoyed at him with his right eyebrow twitching madly. He had green hair that was to the length of his ears which was banded back into a slicked back style and holding it tightly together was a red hairband, sky blue eyes that had a look of annoyance directed at him, wore a black vest with a golden outline, his face was dominated by two scars on the left side on his face and he had a small goatee.

Devin could not help but notice it was hard for him to breath. The reason was not the _impossible_ figure before him but the consequences of running around the city as a mildly overweight man. The pandemic did not help Devin in the regard of physical exercises since he was afraid of contact with other people because of the danger of being infected with Covid a virus with no real treatment and several life changing consequences after surviving it for the infected person like losing their sense of smell or getting permanent depression.

“A-ah I am sorry just give me some seconds to take a breath, Mr”. Taking deep breaths of the fresh air around him, you could see Devins chest several times rising up and down as he stood up right with his eyes closed because of the teachings in his sport class in middle school.

“Gulp”:

“Gulp”.

Kadomon waited with the little thin string of patients he had for the foreign man standing before his shop as he took deep breaths of the air in the medieval city.

_Man that is some fresh air. It is totally different from home._

One thing to know about Devin is that he was a city person and not a lover of nature. The reason for that is that Devin has a deep hatred for insects or everything that looked creepy and crawls in life. Not that Devin liked animals either he never got along with any animal he got across in his life be it dogs, cats or horses. He did not have any good experiences with any of them. There were also only rare occasions where the young man visited land outside a city but those were either only school trips or visits to his relatives with his closest family members in his home country.

_I suddenly feel homesick, damn. Will I ever see my parents again I wonder? Tappei said Subaru would not, so I doubt I could ever in the future be with them together._

“Sorry Sir I am in a bad situation. I was just some time ago nearly robbed in an alleyway by three dangerous thugs that were most likely from the slum of this city and I wanted to ask where the guards barrack in this city is, so I could report the attempted robbery”.

As he said this Devin gave the green haired merchant (What the fuck?) a sheepish look as he scratched the backside of his sweaty neck with the fingers of his right hand as he looked embarrassed at the stone made by bending his head to the ground hoping that Kadomon would give him some sympathy by explaining his situation to him and so give him some answers.

_Looking meek should help I think._

Kadomons expression changed one from annoyance to resignation, and he then sighed in frustration that he felt towards the intruder of his fruit stand space.

“Sigh”.

Kadomon crunched then on the long wheat in his mouth with his teeth for some seconds closed his eyes for a short time and opened them up glancing at Devin with a softer look on his face that still looked stern on his visage because of the two scars running on the left side of his face.

“The guard's barrack is at the gate of the noble district; you just need to go straightforward from this street. Depending on how fast you go it will maybe take half to a full hour to get their young man”. The fruit merchant said this as he pointed with the thumb of his right hand to his right.

Devin had a confused look on his face as he took the new information showing it by tilting his head to his right shoulder blade and raised his two eyebrows up as he said, “the city is divided in districts?”

_That was not fully covered in the anime and I do not remember anything about this from the light novel or web novel. I am not that great with even the general knowledge of this world. I should have paid more attention to such information in the past damn it._

“There are five of them in this city”, Kadomon raised his left hand up and showed him all his finger, “the capital is divided in five circular layers, the first one is the royalty district, second is the nobles district, third the merchant district the one you are currently in and the fourth and the fifth are the residence districts with the last one for the poorest of the town”. As Kadomon was saying this he closed each of his left hands fingers one after another until his hand formed a fist. Devin nodded multiple times at Kadomons explanation with the index finger of his right hand under his chin.

“Did you understand everything I said?” Asking this the merchant quirked his left eyebrow up at him and Devin gave a smile in return to his question wanting to reassure him.

“Yeah I understood every part of the explanation. The capital is divided in five circular layers from the poorest parts to the richest and that I am currently in the merchant district, right?”

“Right”, said the green haired man and gave a nod towards Devin looking satisfied that he understood his explanation about his current location.

Thank you sir for the explanation and I wish you a good day next time I promise that I will buy a fruit from your stand”. Saying this Devin gave a thankful smile and inclined his head respectfully towards the older man causing him to blush in embarrassment. Kadomon inclined his head to the side so the foreigner could not see his face fully. The merchant scratched the back of his head for a short time as he composed himself and turned his head directly towards Devin again and then nodded strongly at him.

“Yeah next time you come here you are going to be a customer, understood kid?” Kadomon grinned broadly with his hands at his hips and Devin nodded affirmatively back at him.

“I am going to be a customer of yours next time so wait and thank you once again”.

“Cyao”.

Devin nodded strongly one last time as he started to walk away now knowing how to get the guards barrack.

As he started to jog towards his goal he thought about what he knew about arc 1 of Re:Zero.

_In Ayamatsu Subaru never asked Reinhard for help but the guards, but he still ended up fighting Elsa in the end. Was it because of one of his divine blessings from the Od Laguna? He can get any divine blessings even once not officially recorded I believe but is that the reason he walked towards the slums? Or was he just worried about his comrades facing somebody infamous like Elsa? She is after all one of the strongest characters in the series from what I remember. I guess in the end it doesn't matter at all the result is Reinhard fighting Elsa today before she can get to Emilia and kill her causing Pucks contract to take effect._

He couldn't help but feel his heart drop towards his stomach. It was like a massive battle was waging inside him, and he knew unfortunately why. Tears started to fall from his eyes because of the massive emotions inside of him.

_Those guards in Ayamatsu died fighting Elsa did they not? If I give them the tip they are going to walk towards their own death a cruel one at that also. Am I really going to do this? Sending people to their deaths because I do not want to die myself? Would Subaru do that?_

Devin stopped with his jogging and looked toward the ground ignoring the crowd of people around him as they did their activities. Staring intensely at it like it did some grave crime against him, he came then to a horrible realization about his own character. He could not help but laugh depreciatively at himself.

_Yeah, I am really a coward compared to Subaru Natsuki am I not? Or do I just hate myself less than he himself does? My life is different from his but there are still similarities between the both of us. Letting others die, so I can live and not feel any pain, I never thought I would have such a choice in my life. This sucks so much damn it._

Devin started to laugh at his situation sounding more than a little deranged to his own ears.

“What is wrong with him?”

“He looks weird”.

“Is that a foreigner?”

He seems like he is losing this poor soul”.

As the surrounding people commented about him in a low voice as if he was a dangerous animal that would bite them at the first opportunity but Devin just ignored them in favor of his thoughts.

_God, please have mercy on my soul and my conscience on my mind for what I am going to do today. I am definitely going to need it for the future. I hope my family understands me at least wherever they are now._

Making his decision Devin wiped his tears from his cheeks as well eyes and snot from his nose with the sleeves of his jacket sullying it and started to jog again towards his destination.

_Is this the guards barrack? Seems a bit imposing I guess. Well it should be expected since they arrest criminals of this city here. Yeah, I definitely should have expected this._

Those were Devins thoughts as he started to stare at the imposing building with the symbol of a fire breathing dragon above its gate before him after he wiped his face clean of his salty tears. It was a heavily fortified building looking like something from the medieval time buildings in Europe that he saw in his history and art lessons in high school. Devin despised art as a subject since he was someone with an uncreative mind and lacked motivation for such a task that required such a mind set. Shaking his head to make his unpleasant memories of attending high school leave his thoughts Devin looked once again at the building and saw several light and heavy armored figures walking in and out seemingly in a hurry.

_Those are knights huh? They all look so strong from my point of view, but I am not an expert in gauging somebody's strength. I think they are in a hurry because of the royal selection. I can't believe Subaru made fun of the royal knights, their elite task force. He must really have grown arrogant because of winning against the Mabeasts and Return by death. Well I do not have any time to waste, so I should enter the building._

Devin took a deep breath as he composed himself knowing if any of the guards doubted the story he was going to tell them they would not enter the slums, and he would die today by Pucks icy rage.

_Time to go._

As Devin started to walk through the entrance he saw a reception hall with two men seemingly in their late thirties or forties wearing a light form of armor sitting behind a wide and dark brown wooden desk as they worked on a stack of papers. The one on the right from Devin had short blue hair and eyes while the one on the left side had long brown hair and eyes, both were lean in their body build and had hard faces like the ones he had seen once in police officers that he met in the past.

 _There are no other people waiting before me perfect,_ thought Devin to himself in great relief.

“Excuse me good Sirs”, said Devin to the two knights to gain their attention and both of them raised their heads to him, setting their attention from the papers to him instead.

“Is there something hm my I ask who you are?”

The question was asked by the blue haired knight as they both blinked in fascination at him.

_I really look foreign to them, don't I? It seems clothes really make the man._

“My name is Muratcan and the reason I look like that is because I am a foreigner that just arrived in this city and country today good sirs”, explained Devin giving a polite bow as he answered the unasked question that he could see on both of the knight facial expressions.

“The reason that I am here is that I saw an infamous criminal from Gusteko in the slums today, good Sirs”.

“An infamous Criminal you say young man?”

“About whom are you talking about?”

Both the knights asked their question at the same time as they both rose an eyebrow in interest and in alarm at him. Devin swallowed nervously and composed himself in his mind again.

_Here I go. God forgive me._

“I saw once a wanted poster of the gusteko assassin Elsa also known as the Bowel Hunter. As I wandered through the slum to find a thief that stole something from me, I found her lingering there in the slums looking for something for what I do not know exactly, but I heard her and a thief having a meeting with her in some hours in a loot house in the fifth district. The loot house is owned from what I heard by a giant with the name Rom.”

After saying all of this with a poker face he could see both of the guards looked visibly alarmed as they tensed at the mention of Elsa.

_She really is a feared woman in this world is she not?_

“Are you completely sure about this young man?” The question was asked by the brown haired guard, and he nodded confidently back at his query. Devin could see the blue haired guard was looking intensely with his eyes at him searching for any lies in his story as he listened with rapt attention.

“She had short dark hair, purple eyes, the face was the same as in the poster and I saw her knives sir a thick kukri one at that. It was definitely her that I assure with my life Sirs”.

Devin looked directly in both their eyes without giving anything away from well at least Devin thought he did. Both of the knights just stared at him for several seconds then looked at each other and nodded.

“From what I see you are not lying since you seem very confident at what you said boy”, said the brown haired knight and his partner stood up from his wooden chair.

“I am going to get some comrades for help so we can capture her and alarm the others of her presence in the capital”.

“And you boy thank you for your tip Elsa is a dangerous person not knowing that she is here could have led to a disaster today”. As he said this blue haired guard gave Devin a smile of appreciation.

“Anything we can help you with as a thanks?” The brown haired guard asked and Devin nodded swallowing his guilt back in his heart.

“Yeah do you know where I can sell a Metia of mine for a fair price in this city? I do not have any coin left on me and need to get some fast”, said Devin in an embarrassed voice with a red face as he scratched his left cheek with his left index finger while looking at the ground.

“There is a shop named Salem just ten minutes away you just need to walk down until the first way to the right. Also, you should come tomorrow at earth time there is always a reward for a great tip money that could help you young man”.

Devin nodded, taking in the information he received from the knight with blue hair and bent his head back up to look at both guards.

“I am truly grateful for your help and I hope the dragon protects you both and your comrades”.

After saying this Devin walked out of the building and bit his lower lip as he did it knowing they would most likely die this night at Elsa's hands.

As he looked back at the building that he exited Devin could not help but look back and look back for just a moment.

Tears once again exited his eyes after he took his eyes off the guard barrack the miserable feeling he was experiencing at fault for that alone.

It was an emotion known as _shame_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think guys and happ holydays.


	4. The desire for strength

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Devin is able to find a way to gain power but his attempt backfires on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, guys Devin here. I said once in the past there will be irregular updates. The reason for the late update were exams in my university. Thank god I am done with them.

“Ugh,” said an annoyed voice as sunlight invaded its eyelids and then contacted his pupils causing them to shrink a little bit. If people heard the voice they would have recognized that it belonged to the voice of a man given how gruff it sounded.

“It is morning already, huh? What a pain in the ass. I hoped everything yesterday was just a bad dream born from my imagination due to the current lockdown in my homeland, but like always in life reality is a son of a bitch”, grumbled a males voice as the person gathered his resolve to wake fully up while his entire body laid fully covered under a thin gray blanket.

“Well I guess I should start with my second day in this new word now,” he mumbled after some seconds as he took the blanket off his body revealing his form, and sat up dangling his legs on the right side of the bed and hands on the edge of the bed ready to start his regrettably second day in the Re: Zero world. Showing his body only covered with only black boxer shorts reaching his legs until the middle of his thigh, dark blue socks covering everything till his calves, and a white tank top hanging above his upper body.

“Maaaan that is annoying,” groaned Devin as he ruffled his dark brown hair as he observed his current room with drowsy eyes. It was a medium-sized room with one bed at the left edge of the room, a desk with a mirror above it hanging on the white-dyed room wall, and one stool behind it at the desk.

“Thank god I was able to get some good money selling my notebook and iPod to the magical Item shop owner yesterday if I had not reached him in time I would have slept on the streets at night yesterday”.

Just in the minute before the old show owner would have closed his shop Devin was able to reach him and convince him not to retire for the night by showing his iPod. The owner became interested in his so-called foreign metia after he showed how to take pictures of people. Inviting the foreigner in his shop he asked about the functions of his iPod and the Notebook and he represented them with all their functions afterward. In the end, he got 200 Holy coins, the highest form of currency in this world, and a handwritten letter for the owner of an inn in the third district in the city after some negotiation and threatening him to go to some noble who likes gathering very rare metia for his collection himself. Devin could not say it was a bad deal after all metia can only be used for a limited time and his iPod and Notebook had only a limited battery after all so he got the best possible outcome in yesterday's deal. Also, he achieved his goal of not sleeping on the streets for the night which was good for his health and for his life since he would be easy pickings for any thugs lurking in the back alleys of this city.

_Thank god I did not have only my smartphone on me on or I would die of boredom in the future. It is also the only thing with pictures from my family, friends, or past. I guess it will be the only thing that will remind me that my life before yesterday was real and not some delusion of my mind or dream that I dreamed of for a long time._

As Devin thought all of this he walked to the desk and took his blue jeans and black shirt from the stool so he could change. As he put his shirt on, already wearing his jeans Devin thought about what he needed to do today.

_I definitely need someone to help me to read the written language in this world being illiterate cripples my entire opportunities in this new world. Also being able to read would help me get a picture of the history of this world, a job, and most importantly learn magic. Well, at least I hope I can learn some magic from what I know being unable to learn magic like Reinhard, who has no affinity for any of the six elements fire, water, wind, earth, yang, and yin is very rare. Hopefully, I won't end up with average potential like Subaru. Whom am I kidding of course I'm going to be unlucky in this new world like him. My luck is shit just like his._

_Wait…...did Subaru not have an insane high affinity for the spirits arts? In just one year his micro spirit grew to a spirit capable of burning the entire capital to the ground. If I had such an affinity that would be great as well since spirits use the mana from the atmosphere to use their magic and I would not break my gate in an emergency or die because I used too much mana in an accident when training or fighting somebody dangerous._

After putting his clothes on Devin decided to go to the bathroom and wash his face off and arrange his hair properly to look presentable. Sadly last night was for him a fight full of fear and anxiety since he feared Puck would start his rampage to destroy this world and thus killing him by freezing him. As his footsteps traced on the wooden floor Devin prepared himself mentally about what he was going to do before washing his face off with water so he could wake himself up for the day.

“I have yet to test myself to prove I have that power,” murmured the young man to himself nervously as he held his right hand over his own heart, feeling his pulse accelerate because of his feelings. It is no surprise that he was being nervous after all inviting the presence of the devil of the new world that he was living on and bringing so the possibility of his heart being squeezed by a dark shadowy looking demonic hand was a thing he never wanted to experience in his life, but the alternative was dying maybe an irreversible death by not being cautious enough. It was needless to say which option was better for his well-being physically and mentally speaking.

“I have no choice,” said Devin audibly swallowing his saliva in his mouth that suddenly felt very dry to his senses as he entered the little bathroom that had only a toilet, mirror, sink, and a shower.

He knew that he is most likely to be very frightened or have a little panic attack so being in the bathroom is better for not being less likely to be heard or getting to vomit to the toilet or wash the sweat from his face after getting very frightened.

_There I go, god. I do not know if I want this power or not. With all its advantages and disadvantages it is, after all, a hard choice. I have to worry about Roswaal trying to find me for Return by death. That clown I do not know how he will react with his gospel being wrong for the first time in four hundred years. Will he privately go truly mad? Will he become depressed just living in motion for the rest of his life? Or will he try to correct history according to his precious book from his teacher? Well, it does not matter, Roswaal is a threat to my well-being in this world and I need to keep my distance from him in any way possible me. Like hell, I would save those two murderous maids after killing me, and like hell, I would let him torture me to keep his perfect timeline going. I refuse to believe I was summoned to this world to help this naive half-elf by literally bringing myself to be slaughtered like a pig countless times._

Taking a deep breath of the air in the bathroom he steeled his resolve for what could happen to his heart.

“I can Return by death to-,” said Devin, and then for him everything stopped suddenly as if God himself imposed his will upon his meager insignificant being causing the young man to feel true fear. Devin could feel an overwhelming presence entering the bathroom radiating an aura with an immense amount of envy as his entire surroundings were encased in shadows darker than any night he saw back in his homeworld.

_I can not move anything. Not my legs, arms, head, or eyes oh my god what the hell is this shit!? What. Why? I can not! Father, mother, sister or brother just somebody pleeeaseee!_

Devin could also now feel an immense feeling of love being radiated, targeting his being from the presence that he could not see or feel physically. The love itself felt sick like an oppressive force, demanding, sinful and obsessive to an inhuman degree in its intensity towards his own self. Nothing like he felt from his parents or grandparents which was pure and welcoming like a soft hug but this feeling felt like somebody was trying to suffocate his being and fuse it with itself. Another was the sheer envy as if it hated the very air he breathed with other people, or the wood he stood upon and his clothes for this being wanted everything from him alone for herself her jealousy not allowing any other possibility in wanting everything connected to him to herself.

As Devin tried to comprehend his situation a shadowy demonic-looking hand manifested from the shadows and made its way towards the young man. Devin knew immediately what it was going to do after his heart stopped beating. The otherworldly young man felt a shiver down his spine even being frozen in time as the shadow floated slowly towards him at a relaxed pace radiating confidence worthy of an unparalleled predator that nobody could rival in this world. Before Devin knew it the shadow hand already was floating directly before his chest and then started to invade his body not caring about the skin, muscles, or bones standing in its way as it effortlessly passed through them. Devin had tried to prepare himself for the utter helplessness he would feel, but no amount of preparation could have helped him for such a thing since he was panicking in his mind as thoughts came in rapidly.

_Ohmygodhowissomethinglikethatpossible!? Idonotwanttogethurt!!! Idonotwantmyheartbeingsqueezedorcrushedlikeanegg!!!!!!!!_

Before he knew it the shadow hand had reached his heart and began touching it in a disturbing amount of gentleness that felt more possessive than it should be. This of course caused the fear to intensify in Devin as he whimpered pathetically in his thoughts now wishing he had never dared to invite the devil to his temporary quarters. Surprisingly the hand did not squeeze immediately but did something even more disturbing moving around his heart rubbing it caringly but threateningly as if to say ``That is mine alone`` and then giving his hand a last gentle rubbing touch. As the shadowy hand did that he could feel an unbearable amount of sadness of the guest he regretted having invited as suddenly everything became normal again for him.

Devin neither moved or did say anything as he maintained his position before he tried to test the taboo of the witch of envy. But even then you could see in the mirror how Devin broke into a cold sweat and how his body trembled in fear, desperation, and anger.

 _1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10_ counted Devin inside his mind in an attempt to control his bubbling many emotions so they would not stop him from achieving his goal today.

_Breath in and breath out. Breath in breath out._

Devins body slowly relaxed as he counted to ten and to control his breathing in a regular pattern to stop his trembling.

_Relax nothing bad happened you achieved your goal without experiencing any physical pain caused by your heart being squeezed from the hand of the devil of this new world. The one who kidnapped and took everything from you by playing god with your life as if does not matter…_

_Breath and breathe out you fool or you will achieve nothing today. You need to escape this city today because Roswaal Mathers is your goal. As well as find a way to defend yourself. Even a basic spell since bandits exist in this world and slavery is practiced in two of the four major countries…..This world is shitty is it not?_

Taking one last breath Devin moved towards the sink began to wash his hand and then his face to get the sweet of before away since the trembling had stopped. But even then as he exited the bathroom and his room in the inn while taking his stuff the tenseness on his body did not disappear nor would it until he left the capital city or the country Lugnica itself. No one wanted after all to become the tool of a crazed, magical, simping, and kinslaying clown named Roswaal L Mathers.

_Like hell, I am going to be one._

_But even with his determined proclamation in his thoughts, Devin could not shake the feeling of being violated like never before just moments ago_

Now being out of the inn Devin took a deep breath enjoying the fresh air in the morning as he looked around on the streets. As expected people in the capital looked extremely busy as they moved on the streets to their destination. In complete contrast to yesterday, I felt a lot more relaxed as he looked around to inspect the people.

_It truly looks like a fantasy world here. The people, their clothes, language, and animals everything fits the theme of it perfectly truly fascinating._

_But I can not let myself be fooled. This word is just as dangerous as it is fascinating. The three great mabeast are just one example. At least the Black Snake is frozen in the Elior Forest so I do not have to worry about that one in the future._

_I need to find a spirits art user to become strong enough to defend myself from threats to my life like Bandits on the road. If I ever go to other countries like Karagari and Gusteko I need to worry about slavers and nobles as well._

_Time to go to the merchant district where magical items are being sold so I should find a practitioner of the spiritual arts there. With the money that I got from selling some of my belongings, I can pay them to teach me the bare basics like making a contract and the likes. I will make a contract with a Yin if possible or Yang or Water spirit. Well, it depends on how high my affinity is and what my elemental connection is. Hopefully, mine is as high as Subarus, his affinity for the spirit arts was top tier on the same level as Julius Juukulius and Emilia._

Devin started to walk at a fast pace not anymore taking time to look at his surroundings for his personal enjoyment. He had things to do before even thinking of relaxing and getting out of this city and even country was his utmost priority. Getting into Roswaals sight was something he did not want at any cost. As Devin walked some people started to look at him in fascination because of how he looked. While some lost interest some began muttering things under their breath.

“I have never seen such clothes where do you think he comes from?”

“He must be a foreigner.”

“Maybe he is a merchant?”

“Nah he must be a noble.”

Devin ignored everything, not wanting to waste his time with those things. The only thing he did was start to walk at a faster pace wanting to get things done and get out of sight not liking how people stared at him getting uncomfortable at their stares and words. Getting attention was the least he wanted now at the moment.

_The best would be to get to the shopkeeper where I sold my so-called metia. Since metia are magical items maybe he knows where I can get a spirit art user to help me make a contract with a spirit and explain the bare basics to me._

_Ah, there it is finally,_ thought Devin as he stared at the shop. It was nothing special from the design but it was well placed close to the noble district and the street seemed very busy even very early in the morning.

_Time to get things done._

“Good morning!”

Saying this Devin opened the door to walk into the shop startling an old man making him jump.

“God young man it is early do not scream this early...Oh! It is you from yesterday, the foreigner with the unique metia!! Do you have any other new metia for me? I would gladly buy them again. I have never seen such things before the price I can get for them”, said the shopkeeper with a greedy look in his eyes nearly drooling at the thought as he stared eagerly at the young man as he turned to observe him.

The old man maybe in his sixties had a wrinkly face marred with age, white hair on his nearly bald head, and a brown well-decorated business suit on, easily identifying him as someone above a normal peasant.

“I am still thinking of selling some of the other things I have but I am not here for that. Do you know where I can find a spirit art user? I wanna test my affinity for this magic. The road is dangerous after all and I want means of defending myself against bandits on the road”, said Devin as he stared hopefully at the old man standing behind a glass counter with different kinds of metia that Devin had no idea were capable of.

 _I really need to learn how to read this language,_ thought Devin as he stared at the little signs at the metia not able to understand their meaning.

“Oh”, groaned the shopkeeper in annoyance at the reason why Devin was here since his hopes were dashed out of the window.

“Well if you promise me that you will sell your metia to me first if you want to get rid of them I am going to tell you where you can find a practitioner of spirit arts close by”. As he said this the old man shot a grin at Devin who raised an eyebrow at the man’s strong greed.

_What a greedy fellow but well it’s not going to hurt me anyway since I am not going to sell the rest anyway. I am going to make some products from home just like Subaru to gain some easy money. I just need to be careful that I do not do anything truly revolutionary here. If I do this people’s eyes will be drawn to me and I could get Roswaals attention. This is something I do not want._

“Fine”. said Devin, playing along, faking an annoyed tone hoping to sound defeated to the man across the counter. He then rose his hand above the counter to shake the merchant’s hand and the merchant took it eagerly shaking it vigorously with a massive grin on his face as though he had won something.

“I swear on the divine Dragon Volcanica that guards this kingdom If I am going to sell my metia in the future I will sell them to you”. Saying this as he shook the hand back as he stared at the old man with a fake serious expression.

_Your Dragon God is meaningless to me you old coat since I was not born in this world. being born in a different world has its advantages. Now give me what I want. I do not have much time left. Leaving this city is my utmost priority._

As these thoughts ran through Devin’s mind the shopkeeper nodded satisfyingly at him while giving a victory smile convinced at his fake serious attitude towards him.

“I know a spirit art user from Gusteko he is a person I am well acquainted and He is one of the leading experts in this world on this field of magic arts. You just need to walk ten minutes north and then east. There will be a shop with a symbol representing the great spirit Odglass”, said the old man and then started writing something on a piece of paper he just took from the counter and started writing on it.

“The old man owes me a little favor. A quick check if you have a talent for this field of magic should be in for it for you. If you do not have any talent he will not be interested and will kick you out faster than you can say Volcanica young man”.

Saying this the merchant slid the note over the counter while giving Devin a warning look.

“If you do not have any talent please do not bother him he is quite a sternman and dislikes his time being wasted for nothing productive”.

“I understand I will be at my best behavior, good man”, assured Devin at the Metia expert and then gave a single nod as a farewell and left after taking the note with him stuffing it in the left pocket of his jeans.

_Please god, let me have at least talent in the spirit arts. If you have any mercy, please._

The young man internally prayed for the first time in his life. The reason is his fear and desperation for any power in a world where he was only nothing more than an ant in a world full of giant inhuman monsters. As he walked to his destination trying to hide the increasing nervousness he prayed to any deity he knew of his old homeworld.

After walking for some time but for Devin it felt like an eternity as he crossed the streets of the capital he finally arrived at his destination. It was a well decorated building with architecture that he knew. The building was colored with a pristine white that had no blemish whatsoever. The architecture was straight something from the renaissance age with its pillars and just at the attic was a finely made glass window showing the great water spirit Odglass one of the four great spirits.

 _Here I go_ , thought Devin while swallowing his saliva and knocked on the door three times. Devin waited for some time not moving, standing completely still until he heard somebody walking the footsteps echoing through the door, and then the door opened.

The person that Devin saw was an old man that had the appearance of a gentleman. He had finely made clothes made from the color blue and the clothes were something that an aristocrat would wear based on his history lessons at middle school.

“Who are you, young man? I do not have much time at hand so go away if it can be later arranged”, said the old man while narrowing his up Devin giving him a once over as he said all of this. Devin just silently counted from three to zero to keep his nervousness in check and then simply took the note from the pocket from his jeans and held it up towards the aristocrat.

“What is this?”

“Ah, it is from that greedy bastard. He calls the favor I owe him for you it seems. How particular from him he must think you are a worthwhile investment”. Saying this and checking the note just a moment. Devin could see that his eyes were now resting at him wanting his unasked questions answered.

“Ahhh I sold him some rare metia and he agreed if I sell him more in the future if I want to get rid of the rest he would help find a spirit art user to help me find out if I have an affinity for this magic”, said Devin shrugging and giving him an awkward grin.

“You bet on his greed to get you here clever. Well I owe a favor so come in the young man I won’t get younger here”. Saying this while sighing and rubbing his short white beard he turned around to the entrance.

“Follow me young man and close the door”.

“Yes sir”, said Devin and entered the building, and then closed the door with a resounding thud.

Just as a reminder do not call me a sir I am a professor. So if you want to call me something then call with that, said the old man sternly with a raised finger not looking back all the while.

“Sorry professor but you never introduced yourself with a name”, called Devin out as they both walked through the halls with pictures of places he and art he did not recognize.

“So did you young man”, countered the host.

“That is true my name is Devin Bal. What is your name professor?”

“Neberius Schnee. I must say your name sounds foreign where were you born, young man?”

Asking this the old man stopped before the door turned around and raised an eyebrow at him in curiosity.

“In the west professor Schnee”, said Devin with his best poker expression while sweating with how intensively the old man looked at him

“Hmmm, how interesting. Well, come on, I do not want to waste any time of my day. I am a busy man after all”. Just as the host said all of this he opened the door of the room and gestured with a wave of his right hand for Devin to follow him.

Following behind the spirit arts expert Devin entered the room. As he entered the room Devin lost immediately the focus from the old man to how his room was decorated.

_Are these slain Mabeasts?_

The only Mabeasts Devin could identify were the head of a Gultylow hanging on the wall and the pelt of a Snowblight on the ground.

_Maybe the rest are natives to Gustekos?_

“Impressed with my collection?”

“Huh?” Ah yes, I am very impressed. Did you slay all of them yourself?

Devin could not help but let admiration flow in his voice as he asked this with a bewildered expression on his face.

“Indeed all by myself”, said Neberius proudly as he sat on a finely made chair behind an impressive desk looking at the trophies with nostalgia, pride, and triumph, but suddenly shook his head

“Well enough with the gawking Devin, sit so we can talk”, said Neberius gesturing towards two wooden chairs before his desk and Devin quickly sat down a little embarrassed from his gawking.

“You are here to see if you have an affinity for spirits and to get a lesson to defend yourself against threats to you correct?”

“Correct”.

Saying all of this Devin nodded assuringly at the expert’s question while fidgeting in his finding the wooden chair uncomfortable to sit on.

“Hm”, murmured Neberius as he stroked his beard.

“Do you know that having an affinity for the spirit arts is rare? A strong one is even rarer. So why do you suspect that you have one?”

Neberius sat forward with elbows on the desk and his chin on his clasped hands as he examined Devin with his sharp grey eyes. Devin swallowed at this and prepared his answer.

“You could call it a feeling”, said Devin while clenching his fists for just a moment. Of course, the old man noticed but did not comment, storing his observation in his mind.

“Well no matter I owe a favor and now I have to repay it. Are you ready?”

At his question, Neberius separated his hand from each other and opened the palm of his right hand to Devin.

“Ready for what?”

Devin asked this in a confused tone as he tilted his head at the offered hand.

For the test that will measure your affinity in the spirit arts. I am going to use your body to call the spirits nearby which means I am going to use the affinity that you have to call them here. Depending on their reaction we can measure how strong your affinity is”, explained Neberius to Devin and he nodded at him understanding the concept of the method for the test.

“Okay. Here I go”, said Devin nervously and started to place his right hand’s palm at Neberius ones.

_Please god, I need the power to survive here._

“I will start now”, said Neberius resolutely and then everything changed in the room. Suddenly dozens upon dozens of different lights appeared in the room now surrounding both men as they eagerly flew around them. Spirits of every affinity surrounded them making it look like a rainbow was in the room and Neberius could only gape in pure shock at what now happened.

“By the great spirit Odglass I never expected your affinity to be that great young man!”

As Neberius commented on his surprise he immediately composed himself to observe the newly discovered talented young man, but worry filled up his being as he took Devins form in. Devin looked now extremely pale, sweat started to form on his forehead as if he just took a great burden and began to tremble on his chair as the number of spirits around him started to increase so did the voices he heard.

_Do you want to form a contract!?_

_Play with me._

_Hey, you look, weird mister!_

_I like you!_

_Hey, look at me not them!_

Trying not to get overwhelmed by the voices suddenly surrounding but failing, Devin's body shut itself down as he fell from the chair to the ground while Neberius could only look in shock and fear. 

**Yooooouuuung maaaaaannn!!!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all liked the chapter and please comment in the review section I wanna hear your thoughts.  
> Stay safe and healthy guys.

**Author's Note:**

> AN. There is no update schedule. I have college work so you all have to wait for updates.Please leave your thoughts to the comment section.


End file.
